Message 8/21/2019

September,

All I know is I have my good days, my bad days, my meh days, my fuck yeah days, and don’t want to get out of bed days. I fight my demons every day. Every single day. I put on my happy mask and go to work and do my job to the best of my ability knowing each day I get leave.

The hardest part of depression is you really never get to leave. It stays with you at work, playing with yours kids, making dinner, and just trying to be by yourself for a few minutes.

Trust me.

I know.

As the protector of our hearts and the strength of our tribe I also have moments of weakness, I can't help it.

What really makes me strong is love. Coming home and having my kids run to me after a long day at work. Picking up my daughter when I haven't seen her for a few days. Talking to the love of my life and she only called to hear my voice. Those are the moments I live for. When someone else can love someone else so profoundly that even the tiniest moments make sense.

It also helps that I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I really don't. I make all my decisions in life based on my heart and my happiness and the welfare of my amazing children. Everything can  fuck all else, because at the end of the day, what did it matter than? I try to wake up and be the best me everyday, but only the best me to the people that matter to me. I will wake up and go to the grocery store in pajamas because I don't give a fuck. Did I get my OJ? Did the store get their money? than that's all that matters and nobody will remember what I wore to the store.

I'm rambling. Anyway. the point is to wake up everyday, live and love your life for you! Nobody will care in 2 years or remember in two days. They really won't. If they care that much, they weren't that important anyway, because the ones that support will be clapping the whole time.