Message 8/21/2019

September,

All I know is I have my good days, my bad days, my meh days, my fuck yeah days, and don’t want to get out of bed days. I fight my demons every day. Every single day. I put on my happy mask and go to work and do my job to the best of my ability knowing each day I get leave.

The hardest part of depression is you really never get to leave. It stays with you at work, playing with yours kids, making dinner, and just trying to be by yourself for a few minutes.

Trust me.

I know.

As the protector of our hearts and the strength of our tribe I also have moments of weakness, I can't help it.

What really makes me strong is love. Coming home and having my kids run to me after a long day at work. Picking up my daughter when I haven't seen her for a few days. Talking to the love of my life and she only called to hear my voice. Those are the moments I live for. When someone else can love someone else so profoundly that even the tiniest moments make sense.

It also helps that I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I really don't. I make all my decisions in life based on my heart and my happiness and the welfare of my amazing children. Everything can  fuck all else, because at the end of the day, what did it matter than? I try to wake up and be the best me everyday, but only the best me to the people that matter to me. I will wake up and go to the grocery store in pajamas because I don't give a fuck. Did I get my OJ? Did the store get their money? than that's all that matters and nobody will remember what I wore to the store.

I'm rambling. Anyway. the point is to wake up everyday, live and love your life for you! Nobody will care in 2 years or remember in two days. They really won't. If they care that much, they weren't that important anyway, because the ones that support will be clapping the whole time.

Untitled 3

i see your face

my heart starts to race

i have loved you for like a million years

i never want to let you go

Untitled 2

Secret lovers with secret lives

So much love so much to hide 

I love you and you love me

I always wish that we could just be

Who we are

Simple and true

Two lovers together 

It’s what we do

And who we are 

When we’re close 

Far Apart

Soulmates we say

Best friends we are 

You think this poems over, but it’s not because I just want to run away with you and never look back and just be with you like we were supposed to be since the day we were created and it’s hard some days because I want to touch you and kiss you and love you and care for you and hug you and get drive thru trash food and park in the mountains and make out or go to the mall and shop together or take our kids to the park and be family and fly kites and I just want to sleep next to you and just be with you, and just you, you only, everyday you, just be with you and just be us.

Untitled 1

Broken, she replied
I cried
Distant favorites still close to taste
Unequivocally loved
An unexpected heart
My September will never end
With an actual official start
My soul only knows you
Its not sole, because its always two

True Love, I asked
I gasped
Moments too real still close to touch
Intertwined eternally
An unexpected heart
My September will start someday
With an actual official start
Our souls only know us
Its not sole, because its always been us

So a little back story. I met the love of my life nearly 16 years ago. I knew from the moment I met her that she was the one for me. It really was love at first sight. I started writing poems about her almost immediately. After we started dating, I wrote more poems about her. Enough to fill two notebooks. After we broke up, I threw them in the fire. Never to be seen again.

September will always be the love of my life. It has always been her and will always be her. This is my blog. It is just Poems For September.